


Shrapnel beneath my skin

by Pixiedustburns



Series: Shrapnel [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:53:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25364911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixiedustburns/pseuds/Pixiedustburns
Summary: Michael is given some files by Alex from Caulfield after he sorted through his Father's stuff. One of them is something Michael wasnt supposed to see. A medical file from Alex's airman days.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Shrapnel [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1841896
Comments: 13
Kudos: 103





	1. Friends

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own roswell new mexico or any charecters.

Michael pulled up outside of the cabin and exhaled softly. It had been a couple of months since he and Maria had broken up and he and Alex were both working on being friends. It was difficult, especially for Michael seeing him with Forrest. He had began to understand why dating Maria was such a dick move. Had Alex felt this jealous? The longing? Michael had brought it on himself. He and Alex knew how to hurt each other the most and how to love without question.. The door opened and Alex appeared carrying a small brown box, he was limping slightly and Michael suspected a new prosthetic or the old one had been on too long. Alex looked tired and his face was caught in a frown as he came down the steps. Michael was about to open the door to greet him when Forrest appeared behind Alex. The two exchanged words, and Forrest threw up his hands and walked away to his car.  
"Hey," Michael finally opened the door and climbed out.  
"You ok?" He reached for the box and Alex handed it to him rubbing at the back of his neck.  
"Yeah, long night going through my Father's files." Alex rolled his eyes as Forrest gunned the engine before he sped off.  
"You two...ok?" Michael tried not to sound to interested.  
"Nothing I cant handle." Alex rubbed at his neck again with a frown.  
"Here," Michael put the box in the passenger seat, "turn around," Alex arched a dubious brow. "Turn around." Michael made a circling motion and Alex reluctantly complied. Michael swatted his hands away and started working the offending muscle with his fingers gradually applying pressure. Alex groaned and Michael pressed harder, another groan was his reward.  
"I dont know who's enjoying this more," he joked, "I like doing this so much!" Michael teased.  
Alex laughed pulling away.  
"You sick fuck." He joked and laughed. Their laughter faded and they stood staring at each other.  
"I should go check these." Michael nodded at the box.  
"Yeah, I might get some sleep." Michael tried to push the notion of Alex sleeping in his bed from his mind.  
"Thanks." He walked around the truck and climbed inside watching as Alex walked up the steps and back inside.


	2. I cried for you...but you didn't come.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael starts looking through the files

Michael listened to the sound of rain hitting the metal roof of the airstream. Shirtless dressed in casual sweats with bare feet Michael had files scattered all around him as he sat on the bed. He lifted more out of the box suddenly understanding why Alex had looked so tired.  
Had he and Forrest fallen out? Michael told himself that it didn't matter. Alex was off limits, it was to soon. But Michael missed him. More than Maria he recognised with a sense of guilt. Absently picking up the last file Michael's eye caught on the name stamped on the label in the corner.  
Manes, Alexander. Curious Michael opened the file. Medical record. Property of the United States Airforce. He read over a record of Alex's height and weight from when he started up along with a list of any previous injuries on admittance. There was a history of abuse there on the hospital files when Alex had turned 15 he was a regular at the base hospital. Broken bones, bruises, concussion, dislocated shoulder, black eyes and a fractured clavicle. Michael sniffed back a snarl. Jesse Manes was a bastard who had beaten up his own son under the watchful gaze of the government and no one cared. Alex had been in hospital more times than Michael had been drunk and that was some record there. Turning the page Michael started reading the next report. This one was done in a different hospital around a year before Alex had returned to Roswell. Michael looked at the xrays. It was when Alex lost his leg. There were pictures, detailed photographs of a limb so mangled Michael had to wonder how Alex had made it home alive. Michael realised he was looking at Alex's hospital report. There were a lot of technical words but on each the doctors had written observations on Alex's condition.

Manes.A - Stable after surgery. Sedation increased as patient restless and calling out, unable to form full sentences, to be monitored for infection.

Manes.A - temperature elevated. Antibiotics administered via drip. Patient calling out despite sedation. Still non sensical.

Michael frowned unliking the notion of Alex calling out and being alone and in pain.

Manes.A- patient became agitated after Sergant J Manes visited. Required sedating heavily. Screaming for Michael. Personal records checked. No mention of Michael.

Manes A - very restless today. Asking for Michael severely times, appears confused. Telephoned Sergant Manes to enquire about a Michael? No response.

Michael crushed the pages between his hands, and took a gasp of air. Alex had cried out to him, had needed him. Michael blinked and two tears dropped onto the page smearing the ink.

"Fuck Alex. I didn't know." Michael sobbed dropping his head into his hands as he cried. "I didn't know."  
When he could read again Michael pressed on through more of the observations. Most where the same. Jesse Manes visited once a week and Alex almost always needed sedating afterward. After two weeks when his meds were down he stopped calling for Michael.  
When Michael reached the end of the file after reading about Alex going through physio and rehab and getting fitted for a prosthesis, he found photographs taken by the medics. Alex looking at the camera covered in tubes and surrounded by cameras, eyes haunted. Jesse Manes stood next to his son while Alex appeared to be asleep, Michael knew he was sedated. Alex gripping the bars tightly as a therapist taught him how to walk again. In each photo Alex looked haunted, afraid and alone.

Standing Michael threw on a shirt and tugged on his boots, grabbing his keys he dashed out into the rain towards his truck. He needed to see Alex.


	3. I'm here for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael goes to Alex and finds him in the shower

The cabin looked mostly in darkness as Michael arrived, apart from a faint light coming from the upstairs window. Michael walked to the door and knocked...two knocks later and he unlocked the door with his mind slipping inside.  
"Alex?" Michael called as he walked up the stairs. He could hear the sound of running water and a light shining underneath the bathroom door. Michael told himself to wait, that Alex was ok now. But he couldn't get those haunted eyes out of his mind, his hand found the door knob and he opened it stepping into the steam filled room.  
Alex was standing in the shower cubicle holding on with one hand to a handle attached to the wall, his head was thrown back eyes closed as his free hand massaged through his damp hair. Michael could feel himself reacting to the sight and he frowned at the glass which frosted at waist level spoiling his view.  
"You want me to wash your back?" He called out cheekily. Alex gave a Yelp, eyes flying open, he slipped falling onto his ass behind the screen.  
"Alex, are you ok?" Michael was round the screen in a second, water plastered his hair and clothes to his skin.  
"Yes, no. Guerin, what the hell?" Alex flushed red across his cheeks and Michael fought off a grin at the sight.  
"I knocked," he explained simply, "twice?"  
"You think that makes it ok for you to walk in on me showering?" Alex asked, lips twitching.  
"Well it is nothing I haven't seen before." Michael's eyes started travelling down despite himself.  
"Guerin, get out of my bathroom."Alex ordered but there was no anger in it.  
"Ok," Michael agreed moving out of the spray. A towel hit him in the back of the head and he smiled.  
"There are dry clothes in my room." Alex instructed before Michael closed the door. Alex found his feet and resumed his shower trying to calm his hammering heart and the sense of hope niggling at the back of his mind.


	4. Personal space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael looks around Alex's room.

Michael finished towel drying his hair and used his hands to finger comb it as he walked around Alex's bedroom. His clothes were in a sodden heap by the door and he was stark naked and unashamed. It was nothing Alex hadn't seen before. Opening the wardrobe Michael pulled out a pair of grey sweats with an elastic ated waistband and pulled them on, they were slightly tight on the thighs and only touched his ankles but they would do. His eyes fell on a small wooden box at the bottom of the wardrobe and he crouched down curious as he lifted the lid. Inside was a smooth red brown pebble the size of his thumb wrapped in tissue paper, a handful of letters and Michael's black bandana that he had wore around his hand after Max had healed it. Michael frowned and looked at once of the letters.  
Michael. Was written on the envelope in Alex's hand.

Michael,  
I want to be brave. To be strong. To stand up to my Father and keep you safe. I love you Michael and it scares me. Can I really be in love at 17? My Father hurt you and I'm so sorry. That's why I'm joining the airforce, so that one day I can be strong enough to stand up to my Father. To tell him I dont want to be a 'Manes man.'  
Alex

Michael wiped at his eyes and carefully placed the envelope back.  
"They are all for you." Alex commented, Michael turned to find him dressed in a tshirt and sleep pants in a light grey colour. At some point Alex had re attached his prosthetic.  
"Alex. I shouldn't have," Michael looked down at the box.  
"Its ok Guerin. I understand nostalgia better than most." Alex sat down on the edge of the bed.

Michael stood up.  
"Can we talk?" He asked, "I mean, really talk?" Alex nodded eyes slightly wide.  
"What's going on Guerin?" Michael sat down on the bed next to Alex.  
"The files you gave me of your Father's. I think there was one in there by mistake. It was your medical file Alex."  
"My..?No..that's not.."Alex's hand started trembling slightly. "Did you read it?" He asked swallowing hard.  
"I..I did." Michael confirmed. Alex stood up fast.  
"That was private Guerin! You had no right!" Alex was shaking now.  
"You called out for me Alex and I wasnt there, how am I supposed to deal with that?"  
"The same way you deal with everything Guerin. By getting drunk or screwing around!" Alex was trying to push him away Michael realised.  
"I'm sorry Alex," michael approached him, not stopping, even when Alex started hitting at his chest and arms.  
" Dont, dont.," Alex protested as Michael's arms closed around him he felt himself break, sobbing, great wails of anguish as he clutched at Michael and released his pain. Michael held him, whispering words of apology and comfort, he sat on the bed, Alex in his lap and rocked them back and forth.  
"I'm so sorry," Michael whispered when Alex's sobs had settled into shuddering sighs. "I should have been there Alex."  
"It wasnt your fault Guerin." Alex sniffed. " when I enlisted I knew what could happen." Michael closed his eyes holding Alex close and savouring the smell and warmth of him. His Alex. They needed to talk.


	5. Painful Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex talks about his childhood

" The injuries on the file, they were quite extensive Alex." Michael spoke carefully. He was lying propped against the pillows with Alex lying on his chest, his head tucked beneath Michael's chin.  
"My Father was an all or nothing kind of guy." Alex responded. "Being in the base hospital kind of became the norm. My dad tried to 'beat it out of me.'" Michael screwed up his nose in disgust but said nothing, now that Alex was opening up Michael wanted to let him keep talking.  
"He would hit me over the smallest things, sometimes when I did nothing wrong. He hit me and Flint stood and watched....He just watched. Greg tried to intervene and Dad put him in the hospital, so I begged him not to interfere. He left not long after. But Flint..." Michael ran his hand soothing up and down Alex's back as he talked.  
"My Dad would come to the hospital on the base. He would play the concerned parent. But when the Doctors and Nurses left he would tell me how worthless I was, how pathetic, disgusting...An abomination." Alex's voice had gone flat, devoid of any emotion. "He hated me." Michael could feel tears on his cheeks, could hardly see for them.  
"You are worth everything to me..Alex." Michael admitted. Alex moved leaning on one elbow to look at Michael.  
"I cant be Guerin..I'm nothing.. " Michael cupped his cheeks silencing him.  
"Dont you say that, those words..Alex, you are everything." Michael repeated. "And I love you. Do you hear me? I love you." It was a husky whisper ten years in the making. Alex was sobbing and Michael pulled him back into his arms, holding him close.  
"You cant love me." Alex sobbed. "I'm a mess.."  
Michael laughed through his tears.  
" We can be a mess together, Alex." Michael grinned into Alex's hair as he kissed his head.  
"I couldn't find you. After the explosion took my leg. I just wanted to find you Guerin." Alex admitted, " I needed you." He pulled back eyes shimmering. "I love you, Michael." Like Michael's declaration it was a heartfelt whisper. Sometimes the world ended and began with a whimper. Michael leaned in and then paused.  
"What about blue top?" He asked.  
"We broke up. You kind of caught the show this evening." Alex entwined his hand with Michael's.  
"Good. But if this is too soon Alex, I can wait. Because this time I'm not letting go."  
" I dont want you to let go Guerin." Alex reached up and touched Michael's cheek, "I'm ready. For us."  
"I'm bad tempered and I always say the wrong thing," Michael warned.   
"I can handle it." Alex was smiling now, still cupping Michael's face and holding his hand.   
" I dont share," Michael continued almost groaning as Alex slid a hand up his face into his hair.   
"Neither do I." Alex was serious, " I'm yours and you are mine, Michael." Michael shivered in pleasure at his words.   
"Always."


End file.
